New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
