I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
