We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
