Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize