sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
