You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
