Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
