someone get that fucking seahorse.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
