you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
