I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Randomize
