Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
