I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize