quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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