i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
