I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
