I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
