She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
