Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We are two peas in an std pod
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
