nutella sex= disaster
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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