We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
