THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
