we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
