just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
