went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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