That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
