is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
