Porn is love you can see.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
