she was so not down for the gang bang
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
