You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
