i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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