Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize