my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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