I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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