My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
