I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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