"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
