so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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