I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
