My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
