I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
