I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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