HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize