I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
