4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think I died a long time ago.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So squirting runs in the family.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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