best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
