Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
