So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
