She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
