dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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