who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
