There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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