woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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