So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
