Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
