I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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