I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize
