made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
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