i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
