yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
