You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
