I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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