At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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