I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
