dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
