The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
