So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
