apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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