I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
