Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
