Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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