It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
