sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
