We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
