People in love make me want to vomit
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize