is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize