Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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