I hope mine doesn't look like that
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
