Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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