Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
