Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
