O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
