he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
